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Will it get to me?

How it feels to be lonely

Ambroja Ferguson, commenter

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It is an eerie feeling of dread–an inescapable agony that torments your soul: leaving you, the victim that it has manifested in, with a demented sense of emptiness. Albeit a bit melodramatic, that is the only portrayal I can come up with to depict how it feels to be lonely.

When I was younger, I went to my cousin’s (Her name was Sara.) baby shower. She invited a couple of friends to the event. I didn’t associate much with the people there, (mostly because they were all adults) yet I did attempt to communicate with two girls: Cleo and Marie Stewart. The two were paternal twins that, ironically, were close to my age. Unfortunately, I was unsuccessful in engaging with them. The two would happily talk among one another, but when it came to me they were cold and distant.  Whenever I talked to them, I felt like a third wheel attending a date; unwanted. After I had tried numerously to break the ice with Cleo and Marie, I gave up. For the remainder of the party, I sat in a corner discouraged and agitated. From that day forward  I started to form a barrier around myself. I didn’t have the courage to socialize with other individuals only to get shut down in the process.

Over time, I felt that I had adapted to my isolated surroundings. However, I soon realize that I was disabling myself. I learned quickly that I didn’t function well with others around my age. I was, quite frankly, a social outcast. (Honestly, I still am to this day because of my social anxiety.) Back in those times, I assumed that something was wrong with me. Due to this mindset, I began to fathom. My perspective of society and of the world started to deteriorate. I rebuked the universe for the way I felt because back then, I believed that the planet was at fault for my forsaken atmosphere. I underwent the suspicion that this enervated emotion was incurable-that I was detained by this inadequate belief. In the back of my mind, I had the weary instinct that this emotion would never disappear.

As the years gone by, my loneliness somewhat diminished. I started to gain hope with my condition. I began to feel…hopeful.

To those that are going through a similar situation, I want to tell you that I can’t guarantee a definite cure to this parasite. The unresolved answer on whether our loneliness will go away permanently will probably remain a mystery. Yet, I truly believe that someday, in the distant future, the answer will be clear. Whenever that day initiates, I feel like I will truly be satisfied.

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